We Are Something Different
We Are Something Different
We are something different
Entering karaoke whorehouses
Maybe you want to sing?
Maybe you want a woman?
Ha-ha-ha!
At noon
The space is gone
Emptied of its nothing
Contents.
The bleached sheet smell.
You eat but you don’t enjoy.
The half moon
She has pinchers
Like a translucent scorpion.
It’s been 28 days.
The eternal Christmas
Lights blink the pathway
Of lowly giving.
I should know better
Than to address the moon.
It is for the opposite.
We are something different.
That title and first and last lines, by the way, came from the craziest world-generated (as opposed to what, I don’t know) koan I’ve ever seen. I was eating out of a rice cooker-turned-hot pot and noticed there was English on the side. I look closer and in a cool font it says, “We Are Something Different / The Smell of Salt.” Then I just had the phrase “karaoke whorehouse” in my head and built off of that some. “The smell of salt” resurfaced as “The bleached sheet smell.” Originally this poem referenced singing Sinatra’s version of “The Lady Is A Tramp” in a karaoke whorehouse. Couldn’t justify the reference staying in, but it’s a nice smug thought anyway.
Comment by Jared Roscoe — March 3, 2008 @ 9:45 am
One of the things that interests me most about this poem is the way the dialect tips us off that we’re in a foreign country–”the half moon/she has pinchers,” “you eat but you don’t enjoy.” The speaker’s sense of difference would be clear even if he didn’t tell us he was; I wonder if there might be a fresher ending, but on the other hand, the circuity of the line’s appearance at the beginning and end of the poem emphasizes the way the awareness of difference recurs with new experiences. I’m also interested by your use of “we,” since a feeling of isolation pervades this poem–eating without enjoyment, empty spaces, some kind of countdown (28 days). It makes me think of the speaker as a representative for an unnamed body. (I do think there may be too many pronouns, though–the I, you, and we (isn’t “you” the speaker talking to himself?) confused me a bit.) Big props to the rhythm here, particularly in the first stanza; that staccato “ha-ha-ha” is chilling. My favorite image is the half-moon’s pinchers, “like a translucent scorpion.” Well-done.
Comment by Sarah — March 4, 2008 @ 10:34 am
“Unnamed body” is a perfect phrase for this poem and is definitely something I’d like that “we” to get at. Maybe I can figure how to work that nice phrase of yours into this poem, maybe as an ending. Thanks!
Comment by Jared Roscoe — March 4, 2008 @ 11:15 am
[...] Filed under: Uncategorized — Jared Roscoe @ 1:22 am I got some great comments from Sarah and David on my last poem, “We Are Something Different.” I’ve made some changes [...]
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